Army Mom’s Safe Haven

Christina

CONTEMPLATING CHRISTMAS

It’s 3 days after Christmas –
the big day’s over and we had some fun.
Still, the big day’s over;
over and finished – done.

Now is when I start to think
about the way my life will go.
What I think and
what I don’t think that I know.

Somehow I hurt inside.
I miss my parents, my aunt,
and worry about my niece
I wish the thoughts would cease.

I know that I didn’t do enough
didn’t share myself enough
didn’t write enough words that rhyme
didn’t do better things with my time.

Didn’t send enough cards to those
I really should have.
Didn’t buy enough presents
[If I’d had the money, I would have.]

But I did a few “good” things this year ~
A surprise Santa letter to a family
whose daddy was in jail –
Just a little package, not by chimney,
just by mail.

I’ve tried to do my best this year
to cheer others, or simply listen.
My rewards are their own words
they make my eyes just glisten.

My grandson had a holiday –
his very first, at that – –
As he opened things with little hands
my mind went wandering back

to his very own first Christmas, with
his dad in Vietnam
and how I smiled and opened gifts
while feeling rather numb.

I have friends I haven’t seen in years
I’ve met with death and cried my tears;
people I will see no more
who’ll no more knock upon my door.

I’ve tried to find lost souls online
tried to say some positive word
I hear from them a time or two
and then no more is heard.

I tend to ramble on and on
as you can plainly see

When I am gone, some future time –
Words will be all that’s left of me.